


Butterflies

by Lidsworth



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Mad Science, Mad Scientists, Mpreg, Multi, Poor Haise, Psychological, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Shirazu/Touka, Torture, Torture in later chapters, Unethical Experimentation, Violence, slight Touka/Mutsuki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-06 11:01:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3132068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lidsworth/pseuds/Lidsworth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The CCG would do anything to ensure that Haise produced the best team, no matter how unethical their methods may have seemed. However, their most recent experiment should have failed, but only, it didn't. And now something was growing inside of Haise. Something that he, and the entire Quinx squad would be greatly affected by.</p><p>Warnings:  Mpreg. Angst. Torture. Psychological.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

As far as Haise was concerned, the experimentation should have been failed. His body clearly should have been unable to sustain another living life source, despite the implants had been forced into his body against his consent, and flushed out days later.

 

But still, he suffered symptoms that he should not have been suffering at all. And that scared him.

 

Nausea, back aches, fatigue, ect. Shiba had warned him to come back f he experienced any of those things, as it would be, “Very bad for your performance” the doctor had warned, though bore a look of loss in his eyes, most likely due to the disposal of scientific knowledge.

 

They would then proceed to scrape whatever living tissue was growing within him out, and dispose it as medical waste.

 

Even for a ghoul, the experimentation had been deemed as unethical, and inhumane. Though Haise had a feeling that had he Arima not stepped in at the moment that he did, that the experiment would have most likely would have continued with permission.

 

He supposed they believed they removed everything from his body. And at first, Haise found solace in the idea that it had been removed from his body.

 

But obviously they didn't get everything out, and after a full week of feeling the sensation of butterflies fluttering in his stomach, Haise wasn't too keen on _getting_ whatever it was “scraped out of him” even if it was to destroy his performance. And he plain out decided he would never return to Shiba for his condition, especially after finding out that the “butterflies” in his stomach were heartbeats.

 

He had no idea where this sudden change of heart came from, because prior to it, he wanted the thing removed from him just as much as any other unwilling victim. But perhaps it was the tiny butterflies in his stomach, that somehow resembled a tiny, a defenseless heartbeat, that made him want to keep it.

 

Haise hardly owned anything (save for his clothing, and a few of his books). He wasn't giving a living thing that was apart of him to the CCG, especially not after he could feel its heartbeat.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

“Saasan! You look pale today!”

 

He stood over the stove that morning, scrambling eggs in the oily pan. Shirazu and Mutsuki had been the only two who came to the kitchen, to eat. Saiko was either snacking on potato chips or eating some kind of unhealthy junk food.

 

Urie most likely left earlier that morning.

 

Thus Sasaki was cooking for only two. Though he wondered whether he should get Saiko to eat with them or not, perhaps a healthier diet wouldn't be too bad for her.

 

“Are you alright, Sasaki-san?” It was Mutsuki who spoke this time, his sweet voice pulling Haise out of his thoughts, “You don't look so well.”

 

 

“I'm just tired,” Sasaki chucked, as he continued to mix the eggs in the pan, “I didn't have a good night's sleep.”  
“Go get some sleep Saasan! Me and Mutsuki can cook our own food!” Shirazu stood in his seat, “Besides, if you're sleepy, it's no good for the team!”

 

Haise wanted to tell them that a good night's sleep had been impossible for him as of recent. He wanted to tell them that he was up every other hours, throwing up into the toilet, and trying to cool himself off with a cold shower. Not to mention, the CCG wasn't giving him enough supplements to support the baby growing inside of him.

 

Asking for more would only cause a rise in suspicious amongst the higher ups, as he had to ask for additional food.

 

Thus, the tiny thing growing inside of him took a lot more than he could give, resulting in the declination of his health, and as Shirazu pointed out, his paleness.

  
“I think I just need a little sun,” he suggested to himself, as he fixed their plates with breakfast, “Maybe I'll go out grocery shopping. Would you two like to come...”  
  
Sasaki lost his trail of words as his world flipped sideways, and his body flipped with it. Shirazu and Mutsuki suddenly seemed a lot brighter than they did before. Haise could no longer pick out the brown in Tooru's skin, nor the vibrant orange in Shiarzu's hair.

 

Their voices fluttered away like butterflies in the summer wind, pleasantly disappearing into nothingness.

OOO

 

There was a high ringing in his ears, like someone was tapping on a bell with a stick, or repeatedly striking a musical triangle over and over again. Then he heard something rather deep and slow, like a beating heart stuck in a large drum, echoing and echoing.

 

Along with the heart beat, came a rather warm sensation. The kind someone felt when skinny dipping into a lake. The kind that had been warmed underneath the sun, sitting stagnant in the hottest hours of May and June.

 

In fact, he felt wet, very wet. His clothing stuck to his skin, as if a thin layer of glue had seeped under his blouse.

 

“Saasan!” There were hands on his shoulders, digging into his muscles and attempting to steady him.

“Mutsuki! Go call Akira and Shiba-”  


“N-no,” Haise could practically feel the sensation of cold, sterile metal reaching into his insides, effectively silencing the butterflies in his stomach, “It's okay, I’m just tired.” Pure exhaustion had taken hold of him, and he could hardly stand up straight, even with the help of Shirazu and Mutsuki combined.

 

“Saasan, you're really hot,” Shirazu commented, as he brushed his hands underneath Haise's wet bangs, “Are you sure you don't want us to call anyone?”  
  
Mutsuki looked at him, worry painted his gentle features. Shirazu looked terrified well. Seeing someone like Sasaki, who was incredibly strong, respected and seemingly invincible collapse out of the blue unnerved them more than anything.

 

Haise panted as he steadied himself, feeling bile rise up in the back of his throat. He nearly doubled over a sharp pain erupted in his abdomen, but luckily, he caught the edge of the counter before he collapsed again.

 

“Sasaki!” Mutsuki cried, as his mentor cupped a hand over his mouth “We need to get you proper help!” Shirazu saw the look of helplessness drawn on out on Haise's face, and roughly seized him from Mutsuki and turned him towards the sink.

 

Dark coffee, mixed with even darker blood came splashing into the metal. The sound was repulsive, and disgusting. Haise's eyes burned with tears, and his knuckles turned an ugly shade of white as they gripped the edge of the sink.

 

Mutsuki felt his own eyes burn to the brim with tears, and Shirazu struggled to keep his composure as Haise practically fell apart before them.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

“Is there anything we can do for you, Saasan?” After helping him to his room, and setting him atop of the bed, Shirazu and Mutsuki stayed close to his bedside.

 

“Really, I'm okay,” he itched the bottom of his chin, and attempted to put on some sort of smile, despite the obvious discomfort he was in, “But...could you make me a cup of coffee, Shirazu?”  


Shirazu seemed, happy to do anything that would ease his mentor's pain“Of course Saasan! You wait here! I'll be right back!”

  
He ran out quickly as he made his journey to the kitchen, thus leaving Mutsuki and Haise alone. Haise twisted his fingers as he waited for Shirazu's footsteps to fade, and as soon as they did, he sighed. He couldn't keep this to himself for any longer, it was getting worse, a lot worse. There was only so much he knew about his condition, and so little information he could gain in his state.

 

The CCG was always breathing down his neck, seeking information regarding pregnancy of any sort would raise suspicion.

 

“Mutsuki,” he began, almost embarrassed, as if he were afraid of what he was about to say, “I need your help.” Mutsuki perked up, eager to help his mentor anyway he possible could. Though the look in Haise's eyes scared him.

 

“Yes, Sasaki-san?” He asked slowly, as he stood beside the bed.

 

Haise closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose, “The CCG...let's just say that they don't respect me as much as they do you guys, because...I’m not like you. But you already knew that.” He paused, allowing Mutsuki to process what he'd just said, “So sometimes they....they do things to me that humans can't go through.”  
  
Mutsuki looked shocked, “Sassaki-san...”  
  
“It's alright,” he continued, “A few weeks ago, they implanted something inside of me...but Arima found out, and asked for the program to be terminated. It was terminated, or so I thought, but I started feeling things inside of me. Movments and heartbeats, “There was a silence, in which Haise sounded so helpless, “If I go back to Shiba, they'll kill it...”  
  


There was no sort of words, or training that could prepare Mutsuki for something such as this. Even though he stood with a mask of understanding and seriousness glued to his face, he felt his facade cracking with every uneven breath he took.

 

For the CCG to be that evil...he couldn't believe it, but Sasaki wouldn't lie. Not to mention, the fact that they used such a highly respected individual for their guinea pig? Mutuski couldn’t wrap his head around it. He knew Haise wasn't human, but still.

 

“Tell me what I can do, Sasaki-san,” Mutsuki responded eagerly, “I'll help you anyway I can.”  
  
Haise averted his gaze from the younger male, and looked at his thin hands, folding them in a slightly nervous manor, “I need to know more about my condition, but I can't go research this myself. I can't ask Shirazu yet because he doesn't know, the shock may be too much for him. I considered asking Saiko, but you know...and Urie is on another level. I know how uncomfortable this is for you, but Mutsuki...”  
  
“You want me to go buy you books on pregnancy?” Mutsuki tilted his head slightly, “is that all, Sasaki-san?”  
  
Haise opened his mufti-colored eyes, looking at his subordinate in a pleading manor, “Y-you're not offended?”  
  
Mutsuki smiled , “Sasaki-san, you're not asking me to antagonize me, you're asking me to do this because you can't do it by yourself. No, I'm not offended...” _But that doesn’t mean the CCG won't be when they find out...._

 

Haise smiled, and breathe a sigh of relief, “Thank you, Mutsuki,” he looked utterly grateful, “I really owe you one!”

 

 _Just stay alive,_ “Don't mention it Sasaki-san! You've done so much for me already. But what about you?”

 

Haise smiled and rubbed the bottom of his chin in a gentle manor, “Don't worry about Mutsuki, I'll be alright.” Mutsuki could tell he was lying, he didn't look at all confident. As happy as Haise was about the baby, Mutsuki wondered if there would be anything to be happy about of the pregnancy killed him. Not to mention, what was Akira-san going to do if she found out? Mutsuki had seen her serious side, the side she and many other investigator's took when they went into full “CCG” mode.

 

Would Haise's relationship with Akira be enough to spare him from the hell storm that was coming for him? What of the baby?

 

 _This is a really bad idea,_ Mutsuki thought to himself, as he side stepped an energetic Shirazu, who suddenly came to the door, with a steaming cup of coffee in his hands.

“Got your coffee Saasan! Sorry it took so long!”

 

Haise giggled a heartless giggle, and signaled for his subordinate to come over, “Thank you.”  
  
“I'll be back Sasaki-san,” Mutsuki tossed over his shoulder, as he took his leave.

 

“Mutsuki! You can't leave Saasaon like this, he's practically dying!”

 

 _You have no idea,_ Mutsuki wanted to say aloud, but figured that Haise would tell Shirazu when the time came.

“Don't worry Shirazu, Mutsuki's just running a little errand for me, that's all.”

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

It had been a long time since Mutsuki delved into anything “feminine” (aside from Saiko's underwear drawer, but that was for Shirazu.) regrading body types and biological functions, though as uncomfortable and squeamish as it made him feel, he needed to do this for Sasaki.

 

He found himself inside of a small womens clinic, despite his initial fears. He just wanted to speak with a physician, or something like that. He got the literature that he needed, but there were some things that the books he bought couldn't tell them about, like why Sasaki was vomiting blood.

 

Though he felt like Santa Clause in Halloween land, as the couples around him were locked together, their jitteriness and happiness rolling off of them like sea foam brushing up against the shore. The entire place was pink coated and the walls had fluffy clouds painted on them, and a lot of other baby things.

 

He felt like throwing up himself, not the mention, his nerves were on fire.

 

The front desk had assured him that he'd be meeting with a specialist as soon as possible, but they were taking so long (or was it Mutsuki's anxiety. He didn't like being here, he didn't want to be here. He just needed to get this over with).

 

“Ahh, so you're Tooru Mutsuki?” There was a lady who's high heels clicked against the smooth tiles of lobby floor. She wore a tight blue pencil skirt, and a frizzy white blouse, that was topped with a large white coat.

 

Her red hair was tied back in a bun, though some of it fell in her dark face, and she wore even redder glasses, with a reddish tint of lipstick. There was a clip board in her hand, and a pen behind her ear.

 

“Why don't we go to my office, the receptionist told me you looked rather...uncomfortable out here,” she said softly, as she took a seat beside him. She looked at his books, though bore no sort of judgmental gaze in her eyes

 

Mutuski nodded swiftly, and grabbed the bag full of books.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Her office was very different from the rest of the building. The walls were actually a pale green, the baseboards were blue. She had a large window behind her, big enough to let the sun seep in through the branches that obscured its rays from the outside.

 

There was a large blue chair in front of her wooden desk, and the moment they both got inside, she motioned for Mutsuki to sit.

 

“I saw your books in the lobby, they were all about pregnancy. So, what questions do you have for me today, Miss?” She asked, as she placed her clipboard a top of her desk.  
  
Mutuski twisted the bottom of his shirt in an uncomfortable manner , as he'd already predicted that he'd run into this sort of confusion the moment he decided to come to the clinic.  
“Um...It's mister, miss, and all these are for a friend...it's just that they're too scared to come visit by themselves...” He secretly prayed that she'd understand and respect his wishes. People either respected his pronouns when they accidentally misgenderd him, or didn't, and proceeded to call him by what they deemed fit.

 

She looked at him in a quizzical manner, almost trying to pick him apart with her bespectacled eyes. But through the confusion, a sliver of understanding shone through her dark pupils, and eventually, the small light illuminated her entire being. She smiled, “I'm sorry about that, Sir! Really I am, I just saw the books and assumed, thank you for correcting me...so, about your friend?

 

Mutsuki couldn't hold back his smile, and suddenly, he felt a lot more comfortable around her“Thank, and don't worry about it, but yeah, my friend....”  
  
So they began speaking, and for the strangest reason, Mutuski didn't feel as uneasy as he did beforehand. Asking questions about the female anatomy, and what to expect during pregnancy didn't make him feel as sick as he thought it would.

 

He learned that the vomiting was natural (but nothing about blood), and that some experienced dizziness often, due to certain things.

 

“If they're not getting enough to eat—you said they were vomiting, right—then that could be a reason that they're passing out. How far along is she?”  
  
Though the doctor's intentions were good at heart, to hear her call Sasaki “she” almost felt as if Mutsuki himself was being misgendered. Perhaps it was because Haise was so close to him and so respected, that he felt that the doctor was doing a great injustice to Sasaki by calling him a she.

 

But then again, the doctor didn't know the whole situation, and Mutsuki couldn't blame her for what she had no control over. Obviously, she was a very understanding woman. And besides, revealing Haise's actual gender due to personal reason and beliefs could blow the entire plan. Mutsuki needed to start playing along, before the doctor noticed his omission of certain words.

 

“What if,” Mutsuki sighed, as he continued, “What is she's not keeping her food down at all, what then?”

 

“Then she would need to see a doctor immediately,” the doctor's tone turned serious, “This could lead to sever dehydration, and we'd need to get her the fluids she need before it harms her and her baby....we can schedule an appointment-”  
  
“No, that's alright,” Mutsuki stood quickly, putting his hands up again. He fought the urge to twist the bottom of his shirt nervously, “Thank you for everything!” The last thing he needed was for Haise to have an appointment scheduled for him.

 

“Oh, well, Mutsuki, here's my card if you and your friend ever want to stop by, and again, I apologize for earlier” the doctor dragged her dark skinned hand over her desk, and into her card dispenser, and handed the boy a card.

 

“It's alright, it was just a mistake.”

 

Mutsuki took it and put it in his pocket, bowing in gratitude. After grabbing his bag of books, he left.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He found himself trying to piece together the situation as he walked back home that afternoon. Prior to joining the Quinx Squad, he'd always heard rumors about the horror that ghouls captures by the CCG were subjected to at the hands of insane investigators, and mad scientist. The organization had been cracking down on them the best they could, at least that what Mutuki's understanding was.

 

But implanting, what Mutsuki believe to be a womb, within Haise, and attempting to create life? What was the purpose of such a monstrosity? Alongside that, it had become an unspoken fact that Haise was indeed an actual ghoul.

 

That meant that coffee wasn't enough to sustain Haise, nor was it enough to sustain the baby growing inside of him. From his limited knowledge of ghouls, Mutsuki knew that coffee only kept them at bay for a short amount of time. Haise would have to consume human meat, or else the baby would cannibalize him from the inside out.

 

Or they could do the right thing, and tell Shiba, and this entire ordeal could be avoided.

 

But Sasaki had obviously formed some sort of warped connection with the grotesque thing, that Mutsuki could hardly understand. With the little information he knew, Mutsuki assumed that the fetus was implanted inside of Haise against his will, and was previously thought to be removed.

 

But it wasn't, and it was now thriving inside of him, like some sort of sick virus.

 

Why would Haise want to keep something like that inside of him, and furthermore, how the hell was he going to sustain it.

 

 _I should tell Akira-san, that would be the right thing to do!_ Mutsuki thought to himself, as he walked through the crowded streets of Tokyo, _If something happens to Sasaki, it will be my fault._

 

But would Haise hate him afterward? Would he hate him for going behind his back, and exposing information that he trusted Mutsuki not to disclose?

 

 _But Sasaki-san is happy,_ Mutsuki told himself, _he's looking forward to this._ And truly, the eternal sadness that seemed to plague their mentor, lifted ever so slightly during the conversation between he and Mutsuki earlier that day.

 

But that didn't change the fact that the baby was destroying his health. The CCG wouldn't give Haise what he needed to care for himself or the baby, not to mention, they couldn’t request help without letting the CCG know what was going on.

 

That meant that the task of getting actual food fell on the shoulders of Sasaki...or more importantly, the Quinx Squad. Haise never implied that he needed them to find food for him, but he didn’t have to. He would die without the proper food source.

 

At that moment, a tiny girl brushed up beside Mutsuki. He watched with weary eyes as she separated from the crowd, and made her way into an alley. Against his better judgment, he found himself following her.

 

She was incredibly small, easy to catch, and even easier to kill. He could break her neck in a _flash, twist it quickly, silence her in a heart beat._

 

He didn't even have to check to notice that his eyes was acting up behind his eye patch, as it usually did this when he was feeling less like himself. He shook his head, and stopped in his tracks, right at the mouth of the alley.

 

He could smell her, as sweet as chocolate. The air carried her beautiful scent to his nose, and God, was he locked onto it. Part of him wondered if he was stalking her for Haise, or if he was stalking her for himself.

 

This was what he hated about himself, more than his body, more than his weakness. It was his ghoulish side.

 

He couldn't shake it off like the others could, it fed off of his weakness, and attempted to control him. And her smell, her smell was enticing. He could literally taste his mouth watering, and the tendrils of her scent tugged on his clothing, and pulled him through the concrete jungle.

 

But he bit his lip. He was stronger than this, he always was.

 

 _You're Mutsuki Tooru, you're a nineteen years old boy, and for some reason,you joined the Quinx Squad,_ he took a deep breath, and closed his visible eye, _you're looking for something to get Sasaki to eat, because he needs a little more than coffee now._

 

While he reassured himself that he was indeed a human being, he continued to follow her scent, though this time, the infatuation wasn't as bad. She was most likely walking home, trying to get to her caring mother and gentle father.

 

 _What am I doing?_ Mutsuki asked himself, as he ran to catch up with her.

 

Brown pigtails flung in the air, as she turned around, and peered down the alley way. “Hello?” Her high voice cut through the air, and almost slapped some much needed sense into Mutsuki. But his mind was set, he _had_ to do this, or else Sasaki would die.

 

Shrugging her tiny shoulder, and pulling a little tighter on the pink straps of her kitty backpack, the little girl sped up slightly, her tiny shoes clicking on the ground. Mutsuki followed in the shadows, doubt weighing him down with every step he took.

 

 _You have to do this! You need to get her meat!_ He thought to himself, just as loudly as he could shout it, _Sasaki-san will die if you don't._

 

She began to run. Perhaps she heard his erratic heartbeat, or could hear the sound of beads of sweat pooling just beneath him, but she took off like her short life depended. And he was hot on her trial, though he did so in such a way that she couldn't see who he was.

 

But she knew she was being followed, and the fear made her running uncoordinated, and brought with it a sense of irrational clumsiness. Any second now, she'd lose her footing. Mutsuki would do it then, when she was dazed by the impact of the fall.

 

 _But you're not a killer! I'm not a killer,_ the words echoed like cries in the back of his mind, _this isn't you, Mutsuki!_

 

 _**But I haven't been myself for a long time,** _ this voice was darker, and a lot more serious, though for the strangest reason, Mutsuki felt the most truth within it. Trading his humanity for strength in the form of becoming the creature that he hated the most wasn't himself. He was living a lie like this.

 

He wished things could go back to normal. He hadn't even realized that he stopped.

 

“Are you alright?” The voice came from behind him, as one of the doors from the business opened. The girl he'd seen from the cafe, :RE, stood there, with a large black trash bag in her hand. She looked utterly shocked at the site of him, and a stiff hand pointed to her right eye.

 

It was then that Mutsuki realized that his eye-patch had been disgarded behind him, as well as the bag of books he'd purchased at the book store. Though luckily, a look over his shoulder told him that the books hadn't been lost.

 

“You look...hungry...We're you about to eat that girl?”  
Mutsuki had no reason to lie, she'd seen everything. He looked completely deflated though, “Don't tell anyone..please.”  
  
She looked slightly cautious, almost unsure of what she was about to do, or say, “I won't...if you don't.”  
  
“W-what-”  
“Do you need food or not,” she looked rather aggravated, as if she didn't want to be seen with him, not out in the alley, “if you're just going to stand there, leave.”  
Mutsuki didn't think twice about what she meant by that, and part of him wondered if she recognized him from before.

 

Obviously, she didn't. And obviously, this was an easy fix to his problem.

 

“Yeah, but let me get my books first,” he turned on his heals, and collected the books. When he got to the steps, she held the door open for him, though her glare scared him shitless.

 

“Ease up a little,” her voice was lighter this time, almost playful, “It's not like I'm gonna eat you.”

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: Thanks for all of the comments and kudos! This chapter'll open up with an explanation. Anyway, this story isn't going to get any better, so if you're weary of torture, non-con, underage, graphic descriptions of violence, psychological torture, or anything of the sort, turn away NOW. 
> 
> None of the characters are in the “safe zone”. 
> 
> Heads up for this chapter, there will be graphic descriptions of rape, i'm just letting you know now. With that being said, I want you to read every chapter expecting something graphic, I'll try to put reminders like this one, but I may forget, so I'm warning you, if you're really uncomfortable with any of this, I'm giving you a heads up now, you shouldn't read it. 
> 
> I spell checked this myself, so there are probably mistakes. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Ishida's work!

 

Five Months Ago

 

The scar had healed over within moments of his waking after the surgery—the apparent successful surgery. He lay in a small white bed that had been placed in the corner of the room, and for comforts sake, had adjusted himself so that his back was leaning against the wall.

 

Since he woke up, Shiba had been gone for about an hour, the old man had gone looking for someone, apparently.

 

Haise brought his knees to his chest, and wrapped his arms around his legs, feeling the thin fabric brush up against his face. He nearly hissed at the twinge of pain that erupted within his abdomen as he brought his legs up, so to alleviate it, he stretched his legs out.

 

A little bit more comfortable, but nevertheless, still bored.

 

He really wished he had a book to stave off the growing boredom. He considered getting up and walking around the small room, but even the tiniest bit of movement caused pain. Sighing, he lifted up the bottom hem of his shirt, and ran his hand along his toned abdomen. Even without the scar, the agony beneath was very, _very_ irritating.

 

“How am I going to train my team If I can't even walk?” He called aloud to no one in particular, groaning as thoughts of the Quinx came to mind. They were a distraction enough. How the hell was he going to cook for them if he couldn't move? How was he going to do anything with them if he couldn't move?   
  
“Maybe I'll ask Mutsuki to cook,” Haise spoke quietly, “he knows how to.”  
  
And Mutsuki did, he was the only one who actually took the time to watch Haise cook. He considered Shirazu, or even Urie, but figure they'd burn whatever was placed atop of the stove. Saiko wasn't even a consideration—unless he wanted his entire squad to gain a few unneeded pounds after he was able to work again.

 

Maybe he'd ask Urie to help train his squad, but then he'd have no squad left. He could ask Shirazu, but Shirazu would go too easy on Mutsuki, who needed the most training, and he wouldn't bother to mess with Saiko.

 

Maybe Urie would better bet, and after he healed from...from whatever this surgery was supposed to have done, he could go back to mentoring them.

 

Now his mind was drifting to less pleasant thoughts. Namely, the surgery.

 

Shiba had promised to explain everything about the surgery later on, as Haise had no idea what had been implanted in him or why. He only gathered that Shiba was positively delighted when he was sure of is success, that he couldn't even explain the effects to Haise.

 

Haise guessed he was happy..If Shiba was happy, then it must've meant the surgery somehow benefited the CCG.

 

In the midst of his thoughts about Shiba, the door opened up quickly, nearly slamming it against the wall. Haise jumped as a masked doctor stalked into the room, behind him (or her, he couldn't tell), trailed another person, a man, and upon closer inspection an investigator.

 

Haise exchanged gazes with the man, and nearly recoiled at the severity in which the other's eyes held.

 

The half-ghoul looked away.

 

Suddenly, the doctor moved in a swift fashion, and in mere seconds, stood beside the bed, bending over and grabbing at larage straps underneath the bed.

 

“Hey, um...what are you...” Haise trailed off as a tight bind found its way around his wrist. Quickly, he whipped his head the other way, as doctor walked to the other of the bed, “..What are you doing?”

 

Now he was starting to panic.

 

“Haise Sasaki, please refrain from struggling,” _she_ spoke, her voice void of any sort of emotion (it sounded reminded him of Akira's cold voice), “We need to ensure that your body is able to sustain...”   
  
Now she hovered around his feet, and began wrapping the binds around his ankles. Haise held himself up, looking at her as she moved around him.

 

Were they going to put him through surgery again? If so, why not put him to sleep? Were they planning to keep him awake, would it be agonizing, is that why they were restraining him like that?

 

He gulped as she seemed to materialize an injection out of thin air, thumping the glass to shake up the liquid inside of the tube. “We wouldn't want you struggling doing this procedure.”   
  
The injection was in and out, and Haise felt himself growing sleepy, incredibly sleepy. He fell to the bed, eyes staring up at the white ceiling.

 

“You know what to do,” he heard her speak to what he assumed was the investigator, who replied with a stern “hm”.

 

As tired as he was, his senses were somehow still there, though it almost felt as if he was falling into a comatose state. He could hear the distinct sound of the buckles of a belt clanging against one another. He remembered the investigator standing in the room, remembered the way in which he looked at him.

 

Haise knew what he himself was, knew that he was an _actual_ ghoul. The investigators didn't like that—though in normal circumstances, they were told to keep their prejudice buried within their hearts. But now...now something was different, something was wrong with that's man's gaze...

 

Haise could sense the hate, could sense the disdain emitting from the investigator. And the negativity from within him only intensified when the bed squad, as another weight was added a top of it.

 

There was a defining silence that broke slowly as the mean leaned forward, just so that his lips hovered above Haise's ear.

 

“This is for my family and friends that've been taken away by ghouls like _you._ I can only hope to ruin you, like they've ruined humans.”   
  
What followed next came in a blur.

 

Warm hands trailed up his stomach, thumbs pressed against his pale skin, slowly and sensually.

 

But they didn't stop there, they went further up, pressing against his nipples, rubbing circles around them, teasing them until they got the appropriate response.

 

The ghoul felt very uncomfortable, and very violated. Not only was this man incredibly too close, but he was practically molesting him. If it weren't for the medication drugging his system, he would've surely attacked the larger form on top of him. Unfortunately, all he could do now was try to speak.

 

Haise gasped, “s...sto..”

 

Th medicine was taking its effect, badly. He could feel everything, but he couldn't move, he could hardly speak. The hands were on his neck now, encasing his throat in large, thick digits.

 

“Don't kill him,” came the woman who stood a little away from the bed, “hurry up with the penetration, we need results, now.”

 

Above him, the man grunted, but leaned In closer, his hands drifting from Haise's neck, down his chest, down his stomach and abdomen (the ghoul nearly hissed at the pain), and to the elastic waist of his pants.

 

There was no hesitation in the man's actions. He hooked his fingers beneath the waist, and pulled down, his knuckles rubbing against Haise's bear hipbones.

 

The half-ghoul could only move his eyes and try to speak, yet each task was becoming incredibly difficult to do. Soon, he'd go completely limp, yet he'd feel everything. His eyes would no longer remain open and his voice would disappear.

 

Already, he could feel hands wrapping around his soft member, a rough, calloused thumb trailing to the tip.

 

Haise could feel himself getting wet, and immediately, a sick sense of shame washed over him.

 

He knew what was happening, and he knew he didn't want it, at all. But his body was betraying him, reacting against his will. His tip began to leak, and a rough thumb rotated around the slit, submerging itself in the liquid.

But if what was coming next was coming, if what he heard from the nurse about “penetration” was true, then the lubricant Haise's body provided wouldn't suffice, at all.

 

Now sticky hands were on his thighs, spreading them apart, and tossing his legs over shoulders. The pain in his abdomen erupted again, and this time, it was unbearable.

 

If Haise could kick, he would have, but the restraints prevented him from running, they only allowed the man to maneuver his legs how he deemed fit.

 

“p,,please...i'm....not...ike..th..” _I'm not like those other ghouls!_ He nearly screamed, only he couldn't get a hold of his words.

 

There were calloused fingers at his anus, cutting into the tight ring like double bladed sword. Another finger entered, and he felt like he was being stretched beyond his capabilities. Tears prickles a the corner of his eyes. His breathing grew erratic,and he began to gasp like a fish out of water.

 

The agony at both his opening and abdomen were growing.

 

Then something else a lot bigger lined up with his opening, and entered him.

 

The half-hearted preparation did little to ease the excruciating pain that his lower half was being subjected to. There was very little lubricant, at least not from what Haise could feel. He was being torn, badly, which surprised him more than anything. (He was a ghoul, these sort of things shouldn't have been hurting him...what else was in that injection).

 

The man pulled back quickly, and slammed into him with an even greater force. He could feel himself bleeding, could feel the warmth of the blood pooling around him, coating the man's length.

 

Before he knew it, his own blood was being used as a lubricant.

 

The pace increased, and though the blood alleviated the physical pain at his nether rejoins just slightly, the emotional pain burned within him like a forest fire (not to mention, his abdomen was still aching).

 

The bed was rocking like a boat caught in a storm, and Haise's body was like the scrambled crew, trying its best to stay grounded in the hurricane.

 

And by the man's breathing, by the severity of his thrusts, and by the way his nails dug into Haise's thighs, he could tell he was about to reach his climax.

 

Haise himself already had, and felt sick for feeling aroused during this entire ordeal.

 

 _Pull out..pull out...pull out.._ Haise begged. He didn't want this man to use his body as a waste bin, he was already being degraded enough. But much to Haise's horror, he could feel a hot liquid fill his insides as the man reached an organism.

 

Haise never wanted to kill anyone as badly as he wanted to kill the man raping him—and Haise hated himself for it, because he didn't like hurting people, never. It was almost as if some sort of dark entity rose up within the back of his mind.

 

And in all honesty, it had.

 

_How are you going to protect your squad if you can't even protect yourself? Get up Haise, do something Haise!_

 

_Why are you letting them do this to you Haise? You're so weak..._

 

The voice, laced with pessimism dwindled away, as the man a top of Haise resumed his rhythm.

 

It went on like this forever, until eventually, Haise lost conciseness.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

When he woke, he was on a different bed, he was in a different room, he was clean, clothed, and all sensation of physical pain, gone.

 

“You're to tell no one of what happened,” he was told by the female doctor, as she held a clip board in her hand.

 

(He couldn't even look at her. After everything she'd just witnessed, she managed to keep a straight, professional face. They hurt him because he was the “monster”, but what the hell, she wasn't even showing emotion. )

 

“..What did happen?” He sounded so distant, so detached, “I don't know..”   
  
“We implanted a womb inside of you. You're to produce a team that surpass Arima Kishou, why not start with your own blood. The Quinx squad certainly will not suffice, their failure has already been predicted. One of your members can't even control their kakugan, nor can they unleash their kagune,” spoke the surgeon, “we suggested using them for this surgery, as their death would matter little to us, but you have the correct amount of RC cells.”  
  
A few things went through Haise's head as she spoke. They wanted blood...his own blood...what the hell did that mean...a womb? Only women had wombs, wombs meant babies...only women could get pregnant ..only women...

 

He felt like he was about to pass out...but he willed himself to stay awake.

 

Did they have someone rape him so he could get pregnant...

 

“He rap-”  
“You'll get over it, Sasaki-san, you are a ghoul,” she spoke, calmly, “we did it only for the purpose of results. It is the most effective method.”

 

“Am I...am I..”   
  
“We don't know yet, Haise,” spoke the woman, “we'll give you a list of symptoms that you'll need to report to us if you feel strange. You're aloud to leave now. If you have any further questions, contact Dr. Shiba, and Dr. Shiba only.”  
  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

“Saasan! We thought you ran away!” Shirazu had whined to him when he came back, “You just disappeared!”

  
“You didn't tell us where you were going or anything,” Mutsuki piped up from behind his friend, “We thought you ran away.”

 

It was no shock that the only one's who greeted him were Mutsuki and Shirazu. Saiko was either sleeping, eating or playing games, and Urie was probably out.

 

Haise had come back home, feeling destroyed down by the events that he'd been subjected to hours ago, but at the sight of his team, he felt a little happier. He was trying his best to forget what happened, trying to delete the memories that came with his assault.

 

He tried locking them away, but to his dismay, it was failing.

 

“Sorry!” He laughed nervously, “I just had to visit Dr. Shiba! I was only gone for a few hours. Honestly, what are you guys going without me?”

 

“Hours?!” Both team members cried in unison.

 

Haise rose an eyebrow, though a sick feeling rose like bile in his throat, “How long was I gone?”   
  
“For three days Saasan!” Shirazu waved his hands in the air.

“What kind of doctor's appointment takes three days?” Mutsuki peeped.

 

“I..um...it was a surgery, I forgot to tell you guys that,” Haise lied, “Sorry.”

 

Quickly, the Quinx mentor brushed past them before they had a chance to speak. Stalking to his room, he made sure the door was locked before he slid down its wooden surface. He buried his hands in his hair, and twisted his fingers into the thin strands. Tears began pooling down his cheeks, as a rush of anger and shame filled his head.

 

He felt dirty, like some sort of used tool. And he knew, he knew he _was_ the CCG's tool, but for them to go this far? Didn't he at least have some rights. He was an investigator, not a sex slave.

 

What if the experiment worked, what if he did end up getting pregnant with his rapist's child. Would the baby be swept up by the CCG and treated like him? Would Haise be able to care for it?

 

He already had to care for the Quinx, and obviously, he could hardly do that. A baby! How the hell was that supposed to work.

 

Not to mention, the amount of shame that would befall the Quinx would be unbearable. They were already given a bad reputation, he'd just make them a band of freaks. He couldn't do that to them!

 

Haise took a deep breath, he needed to calm down.

 

Whether there was to be a child or not, he couldn't hate it for it's creation, he could only fear for the life it would be subjected to in the future. How was he supposed to take care of a baby if he couldn't take care of himself? Would it look like the man who raped him...and if so...what would he do?

 

Though that was the least of his concerns, the monster in the back of his head looked like him, that cruel, conniving thought form...but it wasn't him. Haise wasn't that creature strapped to the chair, whispering all sorts of nasty things to him.

 

Haise was Haise, not a monster. If there was a baby...it would be a baby, not a monster.

 

He sniffled a little bit as his cries began to silence.

 

A hot shower would be nice, as he could still feel that man's hands all over him. After that, he'd tell his team that he felt ill, and he'd go to sleep. They'd probably ask questions, they always did, but he'd ignore them.

 

He hoped that this was all a dream, that there was no experimentation, no rape, no baby, just a bad, _bad_ dream.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Haise had been summoned to come before Arima soon after. He supposed it was about the surgery, and whether or not he'd been showing any signs from the list that the surgeon gave him.

 

In all honestly, he wasn't sure if he was or wasn't. He'd been thinking that every single upset stomach, headache or spell of fatigue had been an indication of morning sickness, but whenever he ran to throw up, nothing came. When he felt like he was going to pass out, he snapped back into consciousness. When the upset stomach came along, he found that he was eating something he wasn't supposed to.

 

He began to think that the symptoms he had been experiencing were purely psychological, that he'd been so concerned with the entire situation to the point of malingering. Whether Arima would be disappointed, he didn't know.

 

Arima had summoned him to Shiba's office, and he nearly panicked at the thought of going there again.

  
What if the experiment had failed, would they get another hate filled investigator to assault him again? Would Arima allow it this time? He walked to the doctor's office with his heart pounding in his stomach, and walked at a pace slower than normal, like molasses rolling down a tree.

 

He could remember everything from that day. He could smell the semen and his blood, could feel the tearing of his anus, and nails digging deep into his thighs. The Akira-sounding woman was suddenly beside him again, injecting that serum into his body, the man's hot breath brushing against his ear as he whispered his hate filled words to him....

 

And before he knew it, his thoughts had taken him before Shiba's office....

 

OOO

There were a few things off that Haise particularly noticed when he stepped into the office. Firstly, there was a tall brunette leaning against the wall, hair gelled back, and stress practically written all over his face. Haise had seen him before, perhaps in the seventh ward?

 

His arms were crossed over his chest, and he looked very, _very disappointed_ , looked as if he could've been somewhere better.

 

There was Shiba, sitting on his chair, looking disheartened, and displeased.

 

Then there were a few others in the room, hoods up, though absent of their weapons. Haise identified them as the zero squad, Arima's zero squad. And standing between them was the man himself, Arima.

 

Though by nature, he was a very, _very_ intimidating man, there was something about him that seemed to make him all the more terrifying. His gaze, it was off, it was different, almost void of emotion, yet so full of it at the same time.

  
Haise couldn't pinpoint it.

 

The distraction Arima's eyes had caused him became a mistake, a big one.

 

They moved like light—the zero squad, grabbing at Haise's arms, and pulling them behind him. Arima moved even quicker than they did until he was right before the half-ghoul.

 

His lips brushed against Haise's ear, “Haise, I'm sorry about this.”

 

There was a pain unlike any other that broke through the skin atop of Haise's abdomen, and proceeded to scramble his insides. He screamed, loud, and Arima continued to run the blade sideways within him.

 

He tried to struggle against his captors, but the blood loss was taking it's toll on him.

 

Any chance of there being a baby inside of him was gone now, and suddenly, he felt even worse than he did before. He couldn't protect anything.

 

“This wasn't supposed to happen,” Calmly, Arima pulled the crimson covered blade out of his prodige, letting his hand fall to his side, limp, “you should heal in a little while.”   
  
Released, the half-ghoul fell to the ground, in a mess of blood and tears.

 

“See to it that whatever foreign tissue was growing inside of him is removed, and I mean _all_ of it,” Arima nearly hissed at the doctor, and he spoke in a tone that Haise had never heard before, “and this is never to be discussed, or never to be performed again on anyone.”

 

Arima turned on his heels, followed by the brunette, then by the zero squad.

 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Present Day

He rubbed his stomach, marveling at the tiny heartbeat that began to flutter. Even after the removal, somehow the tiny life managed to stay there...it was persistent, very persistent .

 

Arima's weapon should have killed it, but here it was, living, and breathing.

 

Haise smiled to himself...for some reason, he thought of his baby as a boy. Maybe it _was_ his persistence, maybe it was his will to stay alive that give him such a masculine personality He reminded Haise of an angel a little bit, of something that was protective, something that cared.

 

 _Someone like Hide..._ it wasn't the first time that the name had come to mind, but whenever he thought about the name, nothing but warmth and light came to mind.

 

Hide must've been someone important in Haise's life..

 

Haise's mind suddenly drifted to Mutsuki. He wondered how he was doing, if the books about pregnancy unsettled him any. He was wrong to have asked him about that, nothing upset Mutsuki more than being reminded of his biological sex.

 

He'd talk to him about it later on, talk to him more about the situation he was in, because as of now, Mutsuki was the only one he'd be able to really speak to(and he needed to talk to someone). Though he wondered if his conversion would trigger something ill.

 

Of course , while the thought of Hide growing inside of him caused him an undeniable amount joy, the fact that he'd been assaulted still kept him up at night. The man was in his dreams and in his thoughts.

 

He frequented Haise's mind more than the white haired demon stalking his memories.

 

Haise would love to speak of that, to Mutsuki (he read somewhere that talking about traumatic experiences helped ease the pain), but there was something off about Mutuski...he'd seen it whenever the team had walked in crowded markets, seen it when they'd gone to restaurants to celebrate a small achievements, or when they happened to be in a tight subway.

 

Whenever they were near men, whenever there was a man looking at Mutsuki, be it harmless or just plain strange, the younger man would recoil, or look away, almost as if he were afraid.

 

Haise didn't know much about Mutsuki's past, save for what the CCG told him (and that was provided by Mutsuki himself), so any assault or abuse was either kept from Haise by the CCG, or kept from the CCG by Mutsuki, and going on a hunch, Haise was assuming the latter.

 

He didn't want to cause Mutsuki any more unneeded stress.

 

Shirazu was a possibility, though the ginger's drive to protect was more than Haise could contain at the moment. He could see Shirazu threatening of destroy any and all CCG members who had anything to do with the surgery. Needless to say, he'd overreact.

 

Haise was all he had, so he couldn't blame him.

 

Saiko...ugh...he needed to get Saiko on the training grounds first before he could tell her anything.

 

Then there was Urie...Urie who would probably sell Haise out for a promotion. So really, there was no one to talk to. Perhaps he could go see a therapist, but then the CCG would find out. Run away, maybe?

But what about the Quinx squad? Not to mention, where the hell would he go? Who would take a half ghoul and a baby, not to mention, four very confused, very scared teenagers?

 

Haise laughed, despite the situation, he laughed. Really, the more he thought about his situation, the more fucked up he realized he was.

 

“I'm so fucked”  
_We're so fucked..._

 

What the hell was he gonna do?

****

**Did you enjoy it? Hope you did! <br />**   
**Eight pages?! I haven't really updated this in like two months, and I apologize for that. <br />**   
**Arousal during rape doesn't necessarily mean the victim enjoyed it, it's just a natural response, just wanted to clear that. Keep in mind, Urie is one of my faves, so he's not being written off just yet.**

**If you can't tell from the ending of this chapter, Kaneki is coming back, just a bit.**

**I'm drawing some of this from the manga, so to keep the characters IC, i'll be updating less frequent (like I already am), in order to see where the manga goes.**

**For example, I'm a little afraid to put Hide in this, as an actual person, because I don't know if he'll be cool, dead, or insane (like Seidou), so i'm updating slow. Hell, this took me two months.**

**Also, we're doing this HideXHaise week on tumblr, it will be around late April early may. Here's a link to it: http://hidekaneadmirerexchange.tumblr.com/post/113010612600/for-your-convenience-guys-haisehide-week-will-be**

**If you want to help, you can ask box me on tumblr, and my url is lidsworth.tumblr.com.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter, stay alert for the next one!**

**Have a wonderful week, and may the Universe be every in your favor, and may God bless!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello there! Are you ready for another disturbing chapter? If you thought last chapter was disturbing, then you'll be even more unnerved by this one.**

 

**Sorry for the long wait, and I hope you enjoy this chapter, it will be shorter than the first. Also, if you're interested in horror regarding Tokyo Ghoul, or anything remotely related to it**

**then I'd suggest following the tgweekofhorror.tumblr.com page. Around October, they'll be hosting a week of tragedy and horror, and it looks pretty interesting.**

 

**Also, coming up in May is Hidehaise week. Here's more info it, follow the page, love the page- ><http://hidehaiseweek15.tumblr.com/>**

 

 

They were an isolated group of very twisted individuals, and unfortunately, very intelligent.The combination was not a sound one, not in the least. Though at the end of the day, they all wanted what was best for the CCG.

 

They wanted ghouls gone (even by use of other ghouls).

 

The catastrophe began with a proposed idea, of course, by one individual. She'd been a CCG scientist, as many of them had been. Though her ideas often danced in between the boundaries of sane, and insane. She was like an artist, or so she considered herself one (she liked to make others bleed the color of her hair, loved to make their despair as dark as her skin. No one could blame her though, she'd been conditioned that way).

 

They all considered themselves to be artists or creators of some sort, though they were starving in their profession.

 

For their art couldn't find the right canvass. Ghouls were either brought to the CCG dead, or too strong to operate on. Their operations were usually supervised, and the medical team themselves had no way of getting what they wanted from the creatures.

 

However, when Haise Sasaki came along, she got her chance. He was a sitting duck, naive, and ready to impress.

 

It was easy, really. He had such little contact with Arima, that Arima signing off on an “authorized” medical procedure seemed rather plausible to the young Haise. He wasn't told what it was, just that it was to better the future of the CCG, in case of a catastrophe.

 

It was easy finding a woman's organ and implanting it into the ghoul. It had been done before, of course. Though a womb was slightly more tricky to implant. The female and male anatomy were two completely different bodies, and merging the two had been near impossible.

 

But until recently, merging the human and the ghoul anatomy had been deemed impossible as well. The surgery had been long, though all the while, the team of doctors sought to create a masterpiece (though truthfully, very few in her team had been there for medical purposes. The majority had been there for humiliation. Ghouls had done terrible things in the past, why not humiliate a wolf in sheep's clothing?), and in the end, it was successful.

 

Haise could sustain a human life.

 

Prior to that moment, she could have, of course, gone with in vitro fertilization. But where was the fun in that? There were enough investigators within the CCG who hated ghouls, though their disgust kept them from coming into contact with the vile creatures. Which was understandable.

 

Not to mention, actual conception was more effective then the prior.

 

So they looked, hard, into the minds of those who'd truly lost their will to ghouls, lost their lives, and had been reduced to nothing but mere shells of investigators, coming to work, burning hot on the inside.

 

Of course, the idea of a group of ghouls running through the CCG, naturally, set them on edge, but the idea itself wasn't enough to drive anyone to the insanity that she offered. While there was a small percentage of investigators who would bring harm to the quinx if they had the chance, there was an even smaller chance that would follow through with the procedures of the experiment.

 

And for a while, she feared she would have to refer to the boring, quite overused method of in vitro fertilization.

 

Only, the message got around the a man who'd lost just about everything to ghouls. His younger brother, once an investigator, had been sentenced to live in a facility to accommodate his trauma, trauma that he'd been subjected to at the hands of ghouls. He'd been a rather young man, a boy at the time. Ready to join the CCG to “kill ghouls”, ready to “die” for his country.

 

Only, death had come rather slowly for him. A mission went terrible, and the boy got handed over to a ghoul gang. There he'd been tormented for weeks. He'd been raped, abused, made to perform lewd licentious acts, molded into the perfect slave, molded into something a little less than a human

 

When he'd been found, he'd been gone. Too gone to know who he was, too gone to thrive off of anything but sex, too gone to even recognize the brother who'd spent months tracking him down.

 

Needless to say, the investigator who'd agreed to do the same to Haise had agreed with a solid, clear conscience. He couldn't make those ghouls suffer as his brother had. The CCG had exterminated them before he got the chance. But Haise, he could hurt Haise. He could humiliate him. And so he did.

 

And Haise had been humiliated of course, and the experiment had been a success, of course, but that damn, DAMN Arima ruined everything.

 

Though if the termination of the project wasn't enough to startle her, the fact that Arima Kishou had shown a hint of emotion during his impromptu lecture had caught her attention. Through his calm and collective tone, she could hear a hint of nostalgia within his words, as if he'd been in the same position, as if he'd spoken from experience.

 

It had startled her greatly, and had she not been fired, she would have inquired about it more (and Arima hadn't been alone. A rather tall, fake brunette had accompanied him in the room).

 

The reasoning for her discharge been altered because Haise was a ghoul. She'd been allowed her profession, but fired from the CCG.

 

Though afterwards, finding work had been slightly complicated. End the end, she managed to locate herself in a small, women's center that dealt with pregnancy (she'd need to start somewhere if she were to perform her surgery in the future). It was boring to her, so incredibly boring.

 

Women got pregnant. That was all there as to it. It was so natural, so bland. For goodness, sake, that was the entire purpose of the female anatomy, to create a child. Nothing extraordinary could come out of that, nothing like what she'd managed to produce with Haise.

 

A freak of nature was an extraordinary abnormality. Kaneki Ken was one, and surely, his child would have been one as well. But alas, Arima Kishou had his way, and the child was scraped away.

 

Until Mutsuki Tooru came into her office.

 

She'd known the child, seen a passing glance of him as well. Talk about him had spread around the CCG like wild fire, and had he not been female, he would have been a suggestion for her experimentation (the other two boys had been too hard to obtain. Shirazu and his strength had been more monitored then Haise, not to mention, he'd been human once. And Urie Kuki's father had died for the CCG. He wasn't a ghoul for pleasure, rather, for strength).

 

Though Mutsuki Tooru wasn't as boring as the other females who walked into the office. There was conflict about him, conflict that the doctor fed off of. Not to mention, pregnant friend? Could Tooru have been talking about Haise? It had to be, Tooru himself wasn't pregnant—at least not yet, in the Doctors mind—and the slob (the CCG had called her) had been too lazy to show up to meetings, no way had she gotten herself knocked up.

 

Had the termination failed? Had Haise's body healed the fetus? If so, what had been lost? Would the fetus be damaged? Would it be intact? Could the doctor be looking at a failure in the making?

 

She had tried to coax the boy into scheduling an appointment, but he shyed away. Of course, he wouldn't want to expose his mentor. So she left him with a card, and he left her with excitement all around.

 

The wonders she could create with Mutsuki Tooru...it was mostly for fun, of course. Psychological, of course. The female body was boring, no female could escape the reality. And yes, while substituting him for Haise would be...boring, she needed a test dummy. Tooru could heal faster than the other, she'd been told.

 

Not to mention, he was weak enough to be sustained by the doctor herself, and as boring has his body was, the doctor could truly work wonders on it, even if the canvass had already been tampered with (she 'd heard of abuse in Tooru's past).

 

If Haise's child had suffered gravely, she'd practice with Tooru, though it was a shame that Tooru wasn't male. But he did want to be male? Right, what issue did he have with a gender surgery here and there? Of course he'd heal, he'd revert back to a female...it would be fun to play around with him.

 

 

That way, if the fetus was injured, she had a cheap back up...And if it wasn't, she'd have some fun with Tooru. Sooner or later, Tooru will spill the beans about the child.

 

And God, Tooru was so naive, so trustworthy. He'd be back, of course he'd be back. He had her card anyway.

 

OooooO  
  
“Doctor Erai...” Mutsuki read aloud, as he opened the door to the house, “That's a weird name.”

 

And weird it was, especially given the connotations that came with such a terrible name. Though that didn't matter now. Dr. Erai was the only one Mutsuki could confide in, the only one he could trust. He'd defiantly come back to her for more questions. Maybe later on, Haise would be brave enough to visit her as well. Mutsuki would surely coax his squad leader into doing so.

 

Speaking of trust, Mutsuki's mind drifted to Touka. The ghoul. She'd seen a side of him that he'd wanted no one to see, and he'd seen a side of her that shouldn't have been kept alive. At the moment, he was thankful for her help, she'd given him a reason to not eat the girl. She's saved him.

 

But in the end, she was still a ghoul. And Mutsuki hated ghouls. In all honest, he considered reporting her. She most likely hadn't even realized that he was an investigator. This way, at least, he had the eliminate of surprise on his hands. If she was so ready to hand him food, he wondered if she did the same for others. Not to mention, where on earth did she get human meat?

 

She could be a killer, killing innocents, killing children. Yes, Mutsuki was truly lucky that she hadn't weeded out who he was, because it would make incriminating and disposing of her harder. He'd give a word to Akira, and she'd surely handle it.

 

Sighing, Mutsuki stepped into the house. There was so, so much that he needed to tell Akira if they wanted to get out of the situation. It wasn't going to end well, that much was certain. Especially if Haise kept this to himself.

 

Speaking of Haise, Mutsuki found himself walking to his mentors room with a full stack of books in his hand.

 

With a gentle tapping on the door, he waited for Haise to respond.

 

“Come in!” Came the voice, muffled behind the door.

 

With a little difficulty (there were a lot of books), Mutsuki manged to maneuver himself inside.

 

Haise struggled with his shirt, as he attempted to slip it over his torso. However, the scar, the very scar that had seemingly healed directly after his surgery, had seemed to materialize itself again, on his abdomen. He should not have been as bothered as he was by it, and of course, he scarped his brain for some sort of logical explanation as to why he was losing his regenerative abilities.

 

He figured it had something to do with the baby—of course it had to be the baby, what else would it be?

 

The scar itself wasn't as bad as it could be. Painful, yes, but unmanageable, no. It was pink, slightly deeper than he would've liked, but there had been no blood, or anything of the sort.

 

Though the scar hadn't been the only odd thing that had phased him that day.

 

The books had fallen to the ground, pooling around the dark skinned boy that stood in the midst of it. He bore an expression that suggested he'd been stricken with sheer, utter horror. His large eyes glued themselves to the scar on Haise's stomach, as if the mark had reached into the recesses of his mind, and drawn out memories that he'd believed previously to have been hidden.

 

_I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I'm a boy. You're a boy. You're a boy. You're a boy. I wanted a boy. I wanted a boy I wanted a boy!_

 

_They were making him something he wasn't—he was making him something he wasn't, something that he wanted him to be. There was the bed, and the knife, and his breast._

 

_And the blood. There was so much blood._

 

Haise stood as Mutsuki seemed to remain frozen in time, almost as if he'd been taken back to another moment, a moment that seized him.

 

Mutsuki looked at the scar. The deep, dark scar. They'd tried to make Sasaki something he wasn't, they'd tried to make him a...woman.

 

The scars on his own breast welled with a sudden pain. He remembered his father, the bed, the knife. Remembered the way the pushed him back, so that his knees buckled and he was upon him.

 

The way he cut at his clothing, at his shirt, at his breast....the way he tried to make him a boy.

 

_You're a **boy Mutsuki.**_

 

“Mutsuki? Are you okay?”

 

“I'm a boy. I'm a nineteen year old boy,” _he remembered what followed seconds later. Remembered how his blood was no longer the only blood scattered on the mattress._

 

“Um...Mutsuki, are you alright?” Haise felt bad. He must've done this to Mutsuki when he'd sent him off to get him his books. He already knew just how uncomfortable Mutsuki felt about his sex, it must've upset him to be around so many things that reminded him of his anatomy.

 

_Damn it Haise! You're support to **help them,** not traumati- _

 

“Sorry Sasaki-san! I was just thinking of something I read,” quickly, the boy grabbed the books as quickly as he could, though with trauma hot on his mind, he struggled with the simple tasks. Haise looked quite shocked at his student's sudden change in demeanor.

 

Was he alright? Had he really been thinking about something other then anything gender related? He made him go to a pregnancy center, knowing full well that Mutsuki was female. Had he triggered something? What was it he read of, dysphoria...?  
  
Though Mutsuki's thoughts ran opposite of Haise's concerns. Unfortunately for him, the feelings that he'd repressed were worse then dysphoria.

 

To be frank, he wasn't experiencing dysphoria. He was experiencing memories. Bad ones.

 

Though he didn't have time to think...thinking brought back the worse in him.  
  
“I um...it's...Um, it's normal to be throwing up,” Mutuski had to steer the course of the conversation in order to avoid a terrible catastrophe

  
Haise took the subject change as an opportunity to avoid the growing awkwardness, and quickly, jumped on the bandwagon.

 

“R-really? I thought so,” Haise supplied, “So I'm not...what about blood? Is that normal?”  
  
“She didn't say anything about blood,” Mutsuki supplied, as he walked the large stack of books to Haise's bed, “Maybe it's a ghoul thing.”

 

Haise looked at the books. It was a lot to read, and it would be even harder to put effort into reading with his already impossible schedule.

 

“I have her card,” Mutsuki held out the paper, “I memorized the information already. She was very helpful and really trustworthy. Don't worry! I haven't told her anything. She just seems to be open to a lot, and the only person we have at the moment.”

 

“I trust you Mutsuki. Keep the card, I think it's better of you visit her,” Haise responded, “Thanks for everything, you can go now.”

Mutsuki bowed slightly, and began to turn, “Thanks Sasaki-san, and I'll be sure to ask her anything you need me too!”

 

Haise nodded. Maybe things weren't going to be so bad after all.

 

 

**Next chapter, the rest of the Q's find out!**

**Anyway, let's talk about the terrible person that Erai is. She used to be on of my Naruto OC's, and she was still pretty messed up. She's not a good person, at all. She's crazy, and knows no boundaries. And yes, she will have a back story later on, but she's not a good guy, at all! Also, if you're wondering why she got fired and Shiba didn't, well consider she came up with the plan, Shiba followed. And Shiba is more beneficial to the CCG then a mad scientist.**

**So there's this theory going around that Mutsuki was abused as a child, by men specifically. People think this because of his “the stares of men are disgusting' and the fact that the first thought that came to him when he walked in the bar was rape, not to mention, when he's chasing Torso, he says that “I recognize those eyes” as opposed to the other woman who is there, standing beside the car. She can't recognize those “eyes”, which implies that Mutsuki has been in a situation with someone who's either abused him, or sexually harassed him.**

**Another theory going around is that Mutsuki is the way he is because his family wanted a son, so they mistreated him for being a girl. When I saw the scars on his breasts, that's what I kinda thought. It's like Suzuya, his “mother” crushed his balls because she wanted a girl, it wouldn't surprise me if Mutuski's family tried to mutilate his breast, or remove them so he'd be closer to a boy, or perhaps destroyed them completely, which is why he wears a binder.**

**Going by the speculation that he “killed” his family, which comes from some truth, I wouldn't be surprised if he lost it.**

**And then there's a a split personality theory going around. Anyway, I combined them all. Which fits pretty well, because this is a horror story.**

**This explains his relationship with Haise, and why he had a mental breakdown when he saw the scar. Going by the theory above, Mutsuki's family turned him into a boy against his will, so a part of him is in pain to see Haise going through the same thing.**

**Also, Touka will be more touched up on in the next chapter. Mutsuki has her secret, so she's not really safe. If Mutsuki can dismiss all men off as disgusting, I'm sure he can do the same with ghouls.**

**Like I said, the Q's will find out, and they'll all have different opinions, of course. Not to mention, I'll get more into Taishi and Arima's relationship.**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter, as usual, it was beta'd by me. Have a wonderful weekend and God bless!**


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